New Irony Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

Wanna hear a joke? It's called me :|

I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.

My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

Who needs April Fools?

When your whole life is a joke?

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.

Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?

Everybody knows nothing.

I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.

Orphan: I want to kill my parents.

Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.

There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)

To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.

A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."