Irony jokes

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

What is one good thing about pedophiles?

They drive slow in the school zone.

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

Me: Gay puns are the best!

Also me: But I'm straight though.

What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.

What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.

I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.

Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?

To the guy who stole my depression medication,

I hope you're happy.

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

Are you a bullet?

*gets shot*

Me: spreading positivity.

Everyone else at the HIV testing center.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.