Irony jokes

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.

Article 4: the Titanic sank.

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"

Wanna hear a joke? It's called me :|

I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.

My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

Who needs April Fools?

When your whole life is a joke?

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.

Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?

Everybody knows nothing.