Irony jokes

What is one good thing about pedophiles?

They drive slow in the school zone.

Me: Gay puns are the best!

Also me: But I'm straight though.

I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.

Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

Are you a bullet?

*gets shot*

Me: spreading positivity.

Everyone else at the HIV testing center.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.

It never gets old.

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

Haha, my life is a joke, but it ain't funny.

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.