Irony jokes

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

What is one good thing about pedophiles?

They drive slow in the school zone.

Me: Gay puns are the best!

Also me: But I'm straight though.

I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.

Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

Are you a bullet?

*gets shot*

Me: spreading positivity.

Everyone else at the HIV testing center.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.