My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
Irony Jokes
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
Are you a bullet?
*gets shot*
Me: spreading positivity.
Everyone else at the HIV testing center.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?
Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.
I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
Haha, my life is a joke, but it ain't funny.
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.
Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.
Article 4: the Titanic sank.
When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?
