Invention jokes
The man who invented Velcro died.
RIP.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.
The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"
"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"
The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.
The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the first knock knock joke?
He won the No Bell Prize!
Why do animators like Christianity?
Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.
Do you know who invented paper?
Cai Lun!
“RIP” Cai Lun.
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
The chicken wasn’t invented then.
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.
Why did they invent white chocolate?
So Black people can be messy too.
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
Sparkling water was invented by Germans. Who else would add gas?
COVID-19 is like pasta.
Asians invented it, Italians spread it.