Invention jokes

If the USA is so good,

Why did they make a USB?

*Shotguns in a nutshell*

2B: MUST.

4B: ADD.

6B: MORE.

12B: *B A R R E L S*

*And that's how multi-barrel shotguns were made.*

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

Why would you make jokes about birth control?

It's a great labour-saving invention.

Bonjour all ;-) , nd here a frog ( French) joke lol.

Qui a inventé le mètre et qui a inventé le centimètre? (Who invented the meter, and who invented the centimeter?)

Answer: Adam à inventé le mêtre, parce qu'il voulait le (mettre) de dans... (Adam invented the meter because he wanted to put it in).

Eve à inventée le centimetre, parce qu'elle voulait, le sentir-metre (centimetre) Eve invented the centimeter, because she wanted to feel it when going in...

Do you know who invented paper?

Cai Lun!

“RIP” Cai Lun.

Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?

He won a no-bell prize.

I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!

What was Stephen Hawking's least favorite invention? The walkie-talkie.

Long time since I made a joke, huh? I used a Time Machine to make this one.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

What does a kid do when he's bored and he's sitting? He puts wheels on the chair and makes it a wheelchair.

When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”

"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”

“Where do you come from?"

"Rome."

“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"No, Rome, Italy, of course."

“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”

To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"No, Rome, Italy, of course."

"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”

Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"Rome, Italy."

"No, sorry, never heard of him.”

Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"

"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"He says Rome, Italy."

"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"

A burglar breaks into a weapons engineer's house, hoping to loot the high-tech arsenal. Suddenly, the engineer yells from upstairs, "Hey! Stop right there!"

The burglar, trying to play tough, screams, "Hands up! I know you've got the goods! Open the armory or I'll shoot!"

The engineer, trembling, cries, "Okay, okay! Don't shoot! I'll give you everything, even my latest prototype!"

The burglar, eyes gleaming with greed, demands, "Prove it! Let me see this fancy new gun first!"

The engineer points to a target range. "It's a plasma blaster," he claims. "Go ahead, give it a shot."

The burglar aims at the bullseye, pulls the trigger, and—BANG!—the gun fires directly into his own chest.

As the thief collapses, the engineer cackles, "Surprise! It's not plasma; it's my new 'Reverse-Recoil Special,' specifically designed for uninvited guests!"

Once there were three Indians. Two were smart and one was... not so smart.

One day, the first smart Indian went out hunting. He came back with a dead deer. The not so smart Indian asks "How'd you do it?"

The smart one replies, "I followed the deer tracks, shot the deer, and brought it home."

The next day, the next smart Indian goes out. He comes back with a dead bear. The not so smart Indian asks once again "How'd you do it?"

The smart one replies, "I followed the bear tracks, shot the bear, and brought it home."

Finally, it's now the not so smart Indian's turn to go hunt. Multiple hours had passed since he left. The smart Indians go out to search for him. They finally find him, bloodied and on the verge of dying. The smart Indians exclaimed "WHAT HAPPENED!"

The not so smart Indian replies,

"Well I... I followed the train tracks, an... and shot th- the train... bu- but it kept going..."

Women say men are trash.

Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...

We have invented the spade! This is groundbreaking!

I'm inventing a new glue and calling it "Six Seven"... it's a chemical brainrott.

Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.

I invented a new word today.

Plagiarism.