Insurance jokes
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?
Geico saves you more.
Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
When the card declines on child insurance.
Why do orphans cry at insurance places?
They got offered the family plan.
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.
The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?
Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
Yo mama so fat even Nationwide can't be on her side.
What's a psych ward worker's favorite incense?
Insurance fraud.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.