INS jokes

What do you call a black person in a dark room?

Invisible.

There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"

Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.

Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.

Biden: *falls over on steps*

Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...

Just kidding.

My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and he just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestler's legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip.”

The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip.”

Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”

With heavy breath, John told him, “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”

“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified.”

“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls.”

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."

what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?

dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.

morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?

I don't have a Porsche in the garage.

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

Black holes and horny black women have 1 thing in common, they suck everything in sight.