INS jokes
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
She said she was hungry. So I fucked her in the ass and gave her a chili dog.
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?
In Orange County.
Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.
I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.
Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash its crack and sell it again.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
What do Hitler and Trump have in common? They both do hand gestures.
Did you know that the "f" in "orphans" means family?
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.
I didn't want to interrupt her.