INS jokes

Why do nuns walk in groups?

So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".

What is a neonatal's first time in the world?

What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."

Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?

A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.

You're so poor you put paper cutlery in the dishwasher.

The "W" in Africa stands for water.

"I was lost in the woods yesterday."

"I was in some sticky situation..."

Q. What do a one-story house and an Alzheimer's victim have in common? A. Nothing going on upstairs.

Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.

Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?

Because they are really good at saving.

What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?

Seizure salad.

So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

No one shuts up about them.

My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔