INS jokes
Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Your mum is so fat that when she looks in the mirror, the mirror cracked!
What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?
A bath bomb.
What is the tallest building in the entire world? The library, because it has so many stories.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.
But no pun in ten did.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just cry in darkness.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
Because they'll get a hole in one!
What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?
Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
What do lovely men and tampons have in common?
Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.
Your grandmother died because she fell on the highest floor of the hotel. Your grandfather died because he got shot while saving your mother. If he didn't save your mother, you wouldn't be here.
You grew up in a world full of viruses. You wanted the virus to be gone. There's only one way, but you have to know it. I can't tell it for you.
Your mother got Covid-19. You prayed and prayed all night, hoping that she would be okay. The next day, the doctors went to your house without your mother. You asked, "Where is my mother?!" The doctors said, "Your mother is gone, so we came here to tell you." The doctors left. Another hour, you were thinking while crying, "Why was my prayer not working? Lord, why'd you let me down?"
You searched on Google "How to bring back the dead." The Google workers declined it. Your father left you because he loved another girl. Your brothers are still with you, but what if they get the virus? Who will be with you?
Don't forget Jesus is still there for you. Don't give up, keep going, and you will succeed soon. You will find your own family and beat the coronavirus.
Did you know the "w" in Africa stands for water?
*walks in store* OH LITTle debhehe's!