INS jokes
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?
They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods?
There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.
An orange jumpsuit that is :)
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
When someone says: "You're a mistake."
Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."
Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
When does a pentagon have 4 sides?
When a plane is in one of the sides.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?
They can both squirt out their cum.
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"