INS jokes
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
I walked in a sushi bar, and the sushi chef looked very o-fish-all!
Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field. Okay, I'll admit it's corny.
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.
I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."
Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?
'Cause they can't elope.
Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?
Because they always get a hole in one!
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.
What did one orphan say to another?
"Robin, get in the Batmobile!"
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?