INS jokes
What do a woman construction worker and a woman activist have in common?
They just stand there and hold the sign.
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.
What is an emo girl's favorite map in Halo?
Hang 'em high.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
Q: What's the first day of the week in outer space?
A: Moonday!
What did the two paintings say after a long battle?
Let's call this one a draw.
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
What do Rubik's cubes and melons have in common?
They have a history of separating colors.
What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?
A water gun.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂
What are the first four letters of the alphabet?
Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."
Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"
Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Next day...
Student: I know the alphabet.
Teacher: OK, go on.
Student: "You need a haircut."
Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?
Student: "Yes! Get in!"
Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?
Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
*In headteacher's office*
Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?
Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a can of Spam?
After 6 months in the woods, you'll still eat the can of Spam.
What do orphans have in common with mute children?
They can't talk to their parents.
What runs faster than Stephen Hawking in his wheelchair?
His Internet.
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like your's belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you.
How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?
You move the chairs.
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.