INS jokes
My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?
Divorced.
Why don't orphans care if they get in trouble? They can't call their parents.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
They have no mother's or father's day.
Like Markgeraldnasol and his Pokemon Jokes.
What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family.
Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯
Why do orphans dip their cookies in water?
Because their dad never came back with milk. Ohhhhhhhh!
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
What do priests and McDonald's have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns!
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
How does an orange 🍊 go into a crowded restaurant?
By squeezing his way in.
Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?
Seek and Hide: Me.
Figure: Ok, Seek, you're it. Me and Hide will hide.
Seek: Why do I have to be the seeker?
Figure: Because your name is in seeker.
What do you call an Afghanistan person in a bath?
A bath bomb.
What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?
One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."
If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Titanic is like our president; it cracks in half and dies.
“Who are the fastest readers in the world?”
“The 9/11 pilots, they did 30 stories in 7 seconds.”
What was the color of the wallpaper in the Twin Towers?
... plane.
You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.