INS jokes
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?
A really fucking huge cricket.
A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What do you call a cow in a moving van?
A: A mooving cow.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because it has a silent “p.”
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
Why do golfers bring an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
What do Hiroshima and Herobrine have in common?
They're not heroes.
A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"
Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.
Why is it always cold in the hospital?
To keep the vegetables fresh.