INS jokes

"In my opinion, JFK was the best president."

"Why?"

"He was very open-minded!"

What do birds and children have in common?

If you shoot them, they die.

Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.

Me: Why?

Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.

I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.

Why did Technoblade die?

He couldn't respawn in real life!

Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.

*New teacher walks in* New Teacher: Hi there, class. My name is Mr. Willy. I will be your math teacher.

*Me in shock, "Willy"* Me: Willy Wonka, is that you?

What is the country that is always in a rush? Russia.

What do you call it when Neil Armstrong started cuming in space?

The Milky Way.

I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"

What do you call Nicki Minaj covered in glue?

Sticky Minaj.

If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.

Operation failed in North Korea, the surgeon died.

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To poo in the toilet.

What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.

So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.

He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.

Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.

What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?

Christopher Reeves in a house fire.