INS jokes
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.
Roses are red, violets are violet. I mean, come on, it's literally in the name!
Why are there not that many phones in China? Because there’s too much Wing and Wong, so they will "wing" the wrong number.
Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.
Location is in London by the way.
One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.
His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
What happens when skeletons score points in a game?
They get a bone-us.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
The toilet paper tried to cross the road. He couldn't because he was stuck in a crack.
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
Bitches be like, "Read the room."
What genre is that in?
I was in a maze and I got to the end and they congratulated me. I said that was a-maze-ing!
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.