INS jokes
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
Your hairline is so [bad] Will Smith can't slap it back in place.
Yo mama so stupid, she starved in a grocery store!
The + in LGBTQ+ stands for pedophiles.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain? He could feel it in his bones!
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
What's a word that starts with "m" and ends in "airage" and all men like it?
Miscarriage. The joke never gets old just like the baby.
So, there was this kid, and he went to a store and said to a person there, "I'm emo." Then the person told the emo, "Why the hell are you here? Shouldn't you be hanging in a tree somewhere?"
How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.
"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."
"Why not?"
"He keeps peeing in the pool."
"Well, all kids pee in the pool."
"Not from the diving board!"
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.