INS jokes
Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.
Teacher: Describe Ukraine history in 3 words?
Student: Ukraine is history!
A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one!
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.
To bitch them is my real test, to train them is my cause.
I will travel across the land, searching far and wide.
Fuse Pokemon to UnderStand, the power that’s inside.
Poke him on! Gotta train them all it’s Fru and me, All I know is my dress tiny, Poke him on! Yeah, you’re my best friend, In a world you must defend, Poke him on! Gotta train them all my shirts so true, My outrage will flush us through. You bitch me and I ditch you, P-O-K-E-M-O-N!!! Gotta train them all, Gotta train them all! Pokemon!
What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?
They're both filled with happy little accidents.
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?
They both use lots of oil.
Summary of Twilight in one sentence:
Bella hits on two guys, runs away. Edward glances to Jacob saying, "Go Fetch," and suddenly Bella's his.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To get his degree in FLOW-NOMICS.
My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
Why do orphans always have water in their cereal? Because the dad never came back with the milk.
What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?
The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.