INS jokes
In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Why do pedophiles always lose a race?
Because they come in a little behind.
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
Did you know that French fries aren't from France? They're cooked in Greece.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.