INS jokes
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was outstanding in his field!
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looked in the mirror.
What's the difference between a red Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a red Ferrari in my car.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?
A: Cuatro Cinco.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...