INS jokes
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
I was excited my teacher asked me for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
In Antarctica, there are ice dicks for ladies to hop onto.
Little do they know I've been waiting for this moment.
Check out my YouTube Channel! (Gamer Zacoo01).
What do you say to Stephen Hawking when he dies?
"Rust in pieces!"
What is the reason for the first time since I've seen a lot to be desired in the morning? To you, eat ass...
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.
He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."