INS jokes
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
I put the D in Children.
What do retarded cops give tickets for?
Going over 45 in a potato zone.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
I was in a maze and I got to the end and they congratulated me. I said that was a-maze-ing!
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
What’s the difference between 80 dead babies and a Lambo? I don’t have a Lambo in my garage.
Why is a cabbage green? Because it's in Greenland.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
What's the difference between a Ferrari and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
Miss Stephen likes sex like she likes kids.
On a desk in pure isolation.
Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.