INS jokes
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
What do the names Alan and Jordan have in common?
An.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!
What do you call a policeman/farmer?
A farmer in blue!
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
Want to know why some astronomers are gay?
It’s because they want to be in Uranus.