INS jokes

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a swimming pool?

Vegetable soup.

When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.

We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"

So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.

Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

Woman two: "Did that work?"

Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

What's white, red, and screams a lot?

A baby in a blender.

What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?

A sad news story.

A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.

He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.

Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

What's black and sitting in a chair? Steven Hawking after a house fire.

What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."

What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.