INS jokes

I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.

This is a joke about Ms. Ploopatoink, a made-up character who is a pink fluffy pony who loves toilet paper.

Why is Ms. Ploopatoink like a toilet plunger?

They both jump in the toilet!

Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.

I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.

Aj died in a bar.

The end.

Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?

Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...

I put glue in a man :)

I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"

Two wind turbines are standing in a field.

One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"

The other says, "Well... I'm a huge metal fan..."

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?

An erection!

How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

Yo mama's so poor, I knocked on the front door of her house and realized I was already outside in her backyard!

"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."

Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.

It runs in our jeans.

Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.

Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.

Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.

Why will we never get hungry in the desert?

We have lots of sand-which's.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

You give them a Sandy Hook.

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.