INS jokes
Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and go, "What happened?"
DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.
I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.
Ok, not really racist but still funny.
There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
What do you call a router in a thong?
CISCO....(that thong thong thong thong!)
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."