INS jokes
Two mums hook up!
Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"
The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!
When Sara gets naked in the shower, she turns her taps on :)
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
Roses are red, Burnt bodies are black.
You'd look great With a knife in your back.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a sports car in my garage.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
Can we have a party in space?
First, we need to planet ;)
Get it? "Plan it" = planet.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.