INS jokes
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.