INS jokes
What do you call a homosexual in a coma?
A fruit and a vegetable!
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called aregoslavia.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called yugostravia.
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Stephen Hawking, rest in PC World.
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims of course, they went through 89 stories in only 5 minutes!
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
What do gay girls order in a bar?
Pussy juice.
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.