INS jokes
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.
In America, there was a boy named Urhan, and he had one hand and a stump, and a girl named Handa who was an orphan. They had a trial for the Boston Red Sox, and they failed because Urhan couldn’t stump the ball, and Handa didn’t know where home was.
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was an amazing pilot.
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.