INS jokes
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle.
Except my depression.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.
He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”
What did the two paintings say after a long battle?
Let's call this one a draw.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.
I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.