INS jokes
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?
I don't have $1 million in my wallet.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
What do you call someone who farts in public? A private tutor.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."