INS jokes
I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."
My wife left me yesterday.
I haven't talked to the kids in a year.
You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.
Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!
Who are the fastest readers in the world? New Yorkers. They went through 110 stories in under 10 seconds.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To check in on his flat mate.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
How do you communicate to the dead?
Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
What do you call a guy on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
Why do people love camping?
Because it's in tents!
What do sperm say while just in?
"We need to go deeper."
Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
You do realize that I said nothing, right?
Me: Exactly :)
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁
God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!