INS jokes
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.
Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.
What do you and orphans have in common?
Nobody loves you.
What do you and Joe Biden have in common?
Nobody loves you or him.
What do Joe Biden and orphans have in common?
No one loves them!
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
Why can't an orphan be in a relationship?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”
Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?
A: Rainbow Six Siege.
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.
Dad: "I'll be back in a minute."
20 years later
Orphan: "Dad?"
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
My bestie: Are you dirty-minded?
Me: Do I have dirt in my mind? No.
Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.
What goes in small and soft?
And comes out big and hard?
A tea bag.