INS jokes
My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:
Allah hu akbar.
I specialize in jokes about orphans. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why was 10 scared?
Because he was in between 6 and 9.
Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their family.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
The Twin Towers are like Angry Birds in real life.
What is an Emo's favorite hobby?
Hanging in.
Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?
They both live long with dry skin.