INS jokes
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
10, being in the middle, tried to prevent 9/11 from getting closer.
Sorry, I meant 9 and 11.
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
Roses are red, violets are blue. You belong in a zoo, but don't worry, I'll be there too. Just not in a cage, I'll be laughing at you.
Want to hear a joke? Just look in the mirror!
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
You were supposed to be born in the tree.
The sticks were your siblings.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
Why do most guns in America have an average mag/clip size of only 30?
Because that's the average class size in America.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one.
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".
What do you call an autistic kid going down the stairs in a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels!
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
What do you call a dog in China?
E10