INS jokes
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
Why can't an orphan make a home run in baseball?
Because they have no home to go to.
You're so bald, the reflection off your head is blinding people in India.
What do emos and bats have in common? The both hang.
Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.
Someone in my class yelled "Jenga!" while watching a documentary about the Twin Towers.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Yo mamma is so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.
You are so ugly, when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
I always park in handicapped spaces at the hospital.
Just to test their patients.
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?
Because the dad never came with the milk.
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.
A woman was in the Twin Towers. She orders a pepperoni pizza but got a plane pizza.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)