Incident jokes
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
One time there was a squirrel who died.
It was funny because the squirrel got dead.
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.