What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Q. What do Danielle Smith and a squirrel have in common?
A. They both always have a mouth full of nuts.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
What do Asians and John Cena have in common? You can't see me!
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
