Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.
Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!
Why was the cheese always so confident? Because it had such a "gouda" self-image.
Joe mama's so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it’s still printing!
Your forehead is so big, I took a picture of it last Christmas, and it’s still printing.
What did the fat guy say to the skinny guy?
Fat guy: Does this look fat on me?
Skinny guy: No, I don’t think it’s that.
Fat guy: Thinking.
Why didn't the opening photo actually have a pic of sex on it? I have always wanted to see porn, too bad I have parents and a school Chromebook.
What’s a selfie of an orphan called?
Family picture.
Your hairline looks like a brick wall.
Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.
And she leaves you on felt.
Yo, your hairline looks like the letter “O”.
Me imagining how Batman's hairline looks like.
Nobody: Me: His hairline kinda do look like a Batman symbol.
I wanna see this pic of me in a bra! Where do I find it?
Your hairline is so far back, your barber didn't know where to start.
Your hairline is so bad it was used as the Starbucks logo!
Me after Taco Bell: Go to: [link to image of broken toilet]
Here’s a joke, go look in a mirror.
