Im jokes

I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.

Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

Dad: Well, how do you know?

Son: I found the adoption papers.

Dad: That is for your mum.

If you know, you know.

When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."

I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!

"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."

"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

"I met a girl and she's 28."

"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."

- AJR

I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.

Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.

Lil Jimmy: Why?

Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.

Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕