Im jokes
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."
"I met a girl and she's 28."
"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."
- AJR
Official Dj Penaldo playlist.
1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.
I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.