Im jokes

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.

"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"

"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."

I'm reading this book in braille right now, and I know something's gonna happen, I can just feel it.

Official Dj Penaldo playlist.

1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"

It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.

I'm not gay, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

I'm sweating like Michael Jackson at a kindergarten.

If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.

So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.

I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.

A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."

I'm a rapist.