Im jokes

I'm going to burn Braden Mitchell Kniffen's house down.

An orphan goes into a bar, and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, you need parent permission to enter."

I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.

Let me know if you can't cum.

It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.

Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.

Teacher: I’m gonna call your parents.

Orphan: Go on, see if they pick up.

Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3

I'm all panic and no disco.

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.

A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"

Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"

Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"

*Insert me starting a war in the comments*

Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"

No one wants him, not even the bees.

*having sex on lexapro*

Her: Cum for me, baby!

Me: I'm trying!

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"

Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.

Kill yourself in anyway. I'm doing it the HIGHway.

I'm always hanging in there.

Hanging on the wall.