If jokes

Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.

Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.

The doctor said, "You're all right now."

Say my name if you like "Breaking Bad."

Why is 19 afraid?

Because if you add 400 to it, it’ll be next to 420.

If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?

A "retiree."

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.

"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War

If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Imagine if Batman had a family reunion!

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.

If y'all look up freshfry jokes, I'll come up. About a year ago, I had a bunch of friends on this app.

If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?

Maybe if you get a better hairline, your dad will come back with the milk.

If you're seeing this, this is your sign to go fuck yourself.

Your hairline is so far back that if you wore yellow, people would think you were One Punch Man.

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.