If jokes

If brains were taxed, Slade would get a rebate.

If I agreed with Leo, then that wouldn’t solve anything. It would just make BOTH of us dumb.

I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.

Why don’t autistic people like Autism Speaks?

They’re jealous that autism can speak.

(This is not meant to be triggering, sorry if it is).

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?

Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.

"How would you describe a really bad skeleton?"

"Bad to the bone!" (Or "Rotten to the bone" if you want.)

I bet Steven Hawking $100 if he could catch me.

As soon as he said yes, I climbed up the stairs.

I'm sure you could be the smartest person in your class.

If it were a class for the profoundly retarded.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

I'm not saying you're annoying.

But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.

If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

It's a shame Iran doesn't know how to restrain Israel. If only they had Hitler's expertise.

Now he really would be THE FINAL SOLUTION!

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

If you guys wanted to see a joke, just look in the mirror.