If jokes

If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.

What happens if you sit under a cow?

You get a pat on the head.

I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.

If a sped is late for class, is it wrong to call them tardy?

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

I would tell you a story of my dad... If I knew who he was.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"

I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

What would Martin Luther King be if he was white? Alive.

If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

I think if the center of the earth froze, it would be pretty hard core.

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

I asked the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”

What do you never say to gay people?

IF YOUR HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS! 🤣🤣🤣🏳️‍🌈

There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.