If jokes
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
Why would a cannibal stop eating people?
If they got fed up with them.
Like if you have a dick, or you are an orphan.
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
Me: How do you say yes in Spanish? You: Si. Me: Si if these nuts fit in your mouth.
Me listening to some random lgbtq protester say Its racist to ask somebody if they want free fried chicken
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.
Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶
What if this post got 78.2 likes? 🤩🤭😈
Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
Your favorite music artist is Cardi B? I prefer Cardi A+ if I'm being honest.
I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"
(gun shot)
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
If Thomas Running invented running, what did Paul Walker invent?
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.