If jokes

I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

Like if you know an orphan.

I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.

If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.

If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.

It’s not cheating if you’re all siblings.

If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.

School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.

All orphans deserve to die if they don't buy KFC.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

Like if you like school (I mean if you don't)!

If I flip off an Asian person, he can't see it.

I'm not saying I'm ugly...

But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.

If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.