Hygiene jokes
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To get his DENTAL FLOW checked.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...
Why did the rapper take a bath before his concert?
To get his flow SQUEAKY CLEAN!
Why did the mop lick the floor of the bathroom? Because it was so poopy.
"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers.
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
Your mom is so fat that she cannot look at her feet when taking a shower.
Yo mama so poor that when she went to KFC, she had to lick other people's fingers.
Yo mama so disgusting that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.