When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?
Mountain Dew.
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
You look like the 0.01 percent of bacteria the Lysol didn't kill.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
When your at school and you have to wipe your ass but it only one ply... Your finger breaks through... mmm Finger lickin good
