Hows jokes
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.
How do you shut Helen Keller up?
You give her mittens.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice. Wipe your bloody cock off on her favourite teddy bear after you’ve finished raping her