Hows jokes
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
Memes
It's true though
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?
How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?
It doesn’t have a home page.
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice. Wipe your bloody cock off on her favourite teddy bear after you’ve finished raping her
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
How are Fortnite cards and orphans similar? They're given away.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:
1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝
These came down deep from my heart. Don’t let me down again, please.