Hows jokes
How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.
How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.
How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
How do you get a white girl to suck your dick?
Put ranch dressing on it.
How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.