Hows jokes
How do you spell ihop?
Then spell ihop and say "ness".
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."
A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."
"Then how about Karaoke?"
To which he replied, "I have two left throats."
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
How does a disabled kid walk to school?
He wishes he had the facilities to.
How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?
Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?
He starts to quiver! ;)
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
Akbar: How many crows are there, Birbal?
Birbal: 8,971.
Akbar: What if there are fewer?
Birbal: Then some crows went on vacation to visit their relatives.
Akbar: What if there are more?
Birbal: Then some came on vacation here to visit their relatives.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He ran out of battery life.