Hows jokes
How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
Memes
FUCK YEA
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice. Wipe your bloody cock off on her favourite teddy bear after you’ve finished raping her
How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?
It doesn’t have a home page.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?
How did the fat person cross the road?
It rolled.
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.