Hows jokes
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
It's true though
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice. Wipe your bloody cock off on her favourite teddy bear after you’ve finished raping her
How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?
It doesn’t have a home page.
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .