Hows jokes
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
Memes
"but age is just a number" 🤣
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue. 😁
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.