Hows jokes
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
How do mountains see? They peek.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!
How do you make a blow job OSHA compliant? You add a railing!