Hows jokes
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue. 😁
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.