Hows jokes
How to not exist: Kys.
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.
Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He hit Alt+F4.
How do you fix an igloo?
With Iglue.
How do you check that a rabbit is old?
You check how many gray hares it has.
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
How did Hitler get killed?
With a "NEIN" millimeter.
How do you start a fight in space?
"Comet me, bro."
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
How would negotiations between Putin and Zelensky play out?
QUEUE THE MUSIC
BANG BANG INTO THE ROOM I KNOW U WANT IT