how do you get your grass to cut itself. make it depressed
The judge asked me "How does 5 to 10 years sound?" I said "Sexy."
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights
I like my oreos how I like my victims.... Drowning
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking so he asked him "sir are you drunk?" The man responds "No sir i'm not drunk." So the Officer asks "how high are you?" And the man responds "no sir, its high how are you."
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out
I like my people how I like my tea..
In a bag under water.
if you ask an artist how to commit suicide, they will say a very creative way
When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Lmao idiots don't know how to play Jenga.
You travel to the past into the era where julius caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die? ̈
You reply with: ̈Surrounded by friends ̈
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : *raises hand* Teacher : ... The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
