Hows jokes
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his mother in the jaw
How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?
Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.
How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.