Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his mother in the jaw
How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
Crush: "How much do you love me?"
Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."
Crush: "But it's morning."
Me: "Exactly."
How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?
Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?
